Messiah

No Sweeter Innocence

Started by Damian Cassimer at Apr 05, 2019 8:04 pm
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This was probably a terrible idea. Damian realized that, mind. But ... no one would miss him for a couple of hours, and perhaps he'd never know if he didn't try. Still, this had to be his least thought out plan ever. ... To be fair, no one would look cross ways at a Cassimer going to a brothel, really. He was nervous about nothing, logically Damian knew that. But that didn't make it easier to push it aside and just... go with it. Of course, his nerves were more likely to draw attention to him than his presence.
 
... Logically he knew that, so why couldn't he just... calm down? This was rather a safer experiment than something similar under his father's roof. Damian took a deep breath and released it, willing himself to look calm as he made his way down the street. Damian kept his gaze steady, and reminded himself to look like he not only knew where he was going, but like he had a purpose. People paid less attention if you seemed like you belonged already.
 
It didn't take all that long to find the brothel he was looking for. This place had a relatively decent reputation, from what Damian understood. The nerves weren't entirely gone, but the young man had a better grip on them, at least for now. Of course, as he approached, Damian realized he had only the faintest idea of what he was even asking for. 
 
...This was a terrible idea. Anyway. Ah. Right. Once it was clear he wouldn't be interrupting someone else - who might actually know what in the world they were doing - Damian approached the woman who seemed to be in charge. ... At least, from Damian's perspective. "I was wondering who you might have available."
 
That hadn't quite come out right. Damian decided not to backpedal on it, for fear of making it even worse.

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Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the decision there is something more important than fear.

That was a voice Helene hadn't heard before. Sounded young, though; probably, this would be this one's first, or one of his first, forays into patronizing a brothel. Well, these things didn't necessarily work on a particularly strict schedule-he'd chosen well for his first one, potentially someone rather important. Hmm. Was Kalix occupied? Ah, never mind, she'd just sent them a client a few minutes ago (and rarely ever did Kalix's clients only happen to be here for a few minutes). Hmm, that was a shame; after Axelius, Kalix was the best here. Well, there was Cassimer's girl, but she was busy. Ah, she was enchanting, that was also a shame.

Well, who was available depended mostly on what he was looking for. Yes, there were options, funny enough, many weren't aware of that, until they were speaking to her. She wasn't quite sure which direction this one might be better suited to-most of them, if they talked for long enough, she could pinpoint what they wanted, even if they weren't really sure. It was difficult to place a new voice with only a sentence.

She felt a slight brush against her elbow; Dimitrios, she figured out by his scent. He was new, here, and Helene was attempting to pass the particularly rough ones onto Kalix instead of him, as he still hadn't quite adjusted to the whole thing. Inexperienced patrons were rarely ever terrible... they weren't comfortable enough in the situation to be, just yet. Many were still exploring their sexuality, even, it was probable this one didn't even know what he'd prefer. Perhaps Dimitrios? If nothing else, Dimitrios' inexperience might, perhaps, make their patron feel a little better; he wasn't the only one with no idea what the hell he was doing, right? To be fair, Dimitrios had enough experience, by now, it may just be enough to get the young man to go with it. Yes, Dimitrios sounded like a better idea. He was, as she heard it, pretty enough even the ones she knew had a female preference expressed interest in him.

This was either very good for him, or very bad, but if he played his cards right, like Axelius and Kalix did, he might well charm a very powerful man or ten.

"You're free now?"
"I am," he answered, very quiet, keeping his gaze cast toward the floor.
"Perhaps you might be alright taking our newest esteemed guest?" Helene asked. "You'll be fine," she added, much quieter, only for the boy.
Dimitrios wasn't exactly jumping at that. He did glance up, for a split second; wait... wasn't... Cassimer, wasn't he? Well, if he was anything like his brother, this wouldn't hurt, at least. "I think I can." The only bright side was, he knew the other major houses; House Kenleigh technically counted as one of those, but Nero was always the star, Cyprian right after. Nobody remembered he and Andreas. With any luck, this one wouldn't recognize him suddenly.
"You know you can," Helene corrected, still quiet. "You can do anything you believe you can. Know it."
Right, confidence thing... Dimitrios was never terribly confident to begin with, but, he got the concept of it. It was just the execution he had trouble with. Confidence. Own it, it was easier, it was just a placebo but it worked.

It took a second, of mental pep-talk, but, Dimitrios managed one of those shy smiles the girls said was cute, tucked his hair behind his ear yet again in the last ten minutes, and waved a finger, indicating his apparent newest client should follow him. Unlike looser and more unrefined brothels, all the slaves here had their own room, and all clients were afforded privacy. Their clientele were very high on the social totem pole, and accidents occurred less frequently, but, they still did. Dimitrios honestly just hoped, if ever he was on the wrong end of one of those accidents, it didn't trigger his self-defense instinct.


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It didn't seem to take long for the woman to decide on someone for him, without ever asking for any additional information. Damian was sort of impressed ... and maybe the slightest bit nervous about the fact. He wasn't sure what it said that he'd been easy to select for given he hadn't come here before. Or perhaps... it was possible that that was precisely why he'd been easy to select for, Damian supposed. Someone new didn't already have expectations, and it had possibly been clear that he didn't know what he wanted when he didn't make a specific request about the person.

The boy was pretty. Damian had to admit that. Incredibly attractive, in a way Damian had never really considered before. He supposed that answered the question that Damian had... almost been afraid to ask, honestly. Yes, he did have a preference for males. It didn't matter, of course. He'd still have to marry, he'd still have to be respectable. But he knew the truth now, and some might consider that worthwhile.

Damian... was perhaps more nervous now than he had been before. The young man hadn't really thought that was possible, but here they were, and it was happening. He took a breath, attempting to steady himself to an extent. He answered that shy smile with one of his own, and found himself struck by how lovely the boy's eyes were. 

Right. Following, he should. Damian did so, somewhat uncertainly making his way after the boy. 

He could do this, Damian knew that. As nervous as he was, it was kind of silly. It wasn't as if he didn't know what to do - though to be fair, it was likely to be a bit different with another man than it was with a girl, logistically. But the point remained that this was probably the least problematic place to not be entirely certain of what he was doing in all of Dalmasca. No brothel stayed in business long if too much got out about their patrons, after all.

... Despite all that, Damian was rather convinced this was a bad idea. 

Was it strange to want to know his name? Damian supposed it might be, but he found that he did want to know. "So what's your name?" Damian asked after a moment of debate. Weird or not, he was curious enough to ask. And it couldn't possibly hurt anything.


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Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the decision there is something more important than fear.

As they made their way down the hall, Dimitrios thought he understood why Helene had given this one to him, without too much real debate; he was certainly older than Dimitrios, looked maybe around Nero's age. That stung, to think, but he'd have to get over that, sooner or later. He had a similar, sort of slender build, rather than a really bulky one, but Dimitrios liked those, for his own. At least this one wasn't half bad to look at, actually kind of cute, if he thought about it. Dimitrios wasn't normally attracted to others, of any gender, and sometimes he wondered what was wrong with him, that he didn't. The good news was, in a brothel, he didn't have to be attracted to them, he just had to sit there and make some token noises.

Kalix, of course, explained there was a little more to it, if he wanted to get up the brothel ladder, and start costing more, but, Dimitrios wasn't sure he did. If it weren't for the fact Andreas was somewhere, heck if Dimitrios knew where, Cyprian was probably around, too, he'd likely have figured out how to kill himself with his slave collar. Mom was gone, anyway. If his brothers were, too, then there'd be nothing left for him, here. Odd things to think about, even more odd that he didn't really seem to fully register how disturbing it was, even in his own head. Plenty of people had gone through worse than he. Lycaon and Valerius were on that list. His House falls and he wants to give up. But Dimitrios wasn't a Lycaon or a Valerius, and he never would be.

Which one was this, anyway? Obviously not Lucius; he'd come by a day or two ago, Dimitrios didn't remember, the days had started kind of blurring together. Certainly, he wasn't Marcus, so that left the younger son... what was his name... Damian? Hmm. Something like that. It wasn't really Dimitrios' job to know their names, and he'd never fully committed them to memory. Hopefully he wasn't much like Marcus... there were stories they told around here, about Marcus Cassimer, and how utterly terrible he tended to be, when he bothered to pay for sex slaves instead of just assaulting his political opposition. Cyprian could've had a field day with some of the things Dimitrios had learned, since coming here. Dimitrios probably had enough blackmail to bring down at least two houses, and severely damage three more. It wasn't like he'd have the opportunity to. It didn't matter.

"Dimitrios," he answered, turning a corner and nudging his door open. "But you can call me whatever you want." In some sense, he almost wished the brothel owner had renamed him something else, but then, his name was already pretty Dalmascan. Maybe the owner just assumed that was his slave name to start with. Annoying. House Kenleigh had a lot of enemies, of course, he didn't really want to draw attention to the fact he used to be a Kenleigh.

This was the part where he pretended he wasn't in pain. Dimitrios had started desensitizing to it, at least, but getting to doing things, it started to hurt, beyond the threshold of his already high tolerance. Keeping himself from grimacing was proving to be a pain in the rear. ... pain in the nuts, he supposed. Not that he had those anymore, either. This one seemed unsure enough, he might be one Dimitrios kind of needed to nudge into it, and he wasn't quite confident in his ability to do that, just yet. He'd watched Kalix, and taken pointers and tips, and talked to Helene, but no matter what he said, the actual confidence still wasn't there. Sometimes, his heart still hurt too much, to think around it, to breathe around it, sometimes the rest of him hurt just as much. He shouldn't complain. He'd gotten it easy.

And he hoped, Andreas had gotten it easier. Cyprian, too, if only because he'd already gone through enough.

Ah, Dimitrios was a tiny bit taller than him, he noticed, waiting until he'd followed him in, and closing the door behind them. Steadily, he closed the gap between them, but he didn't go to make the first move, just get tantalizingly close, gaze softening to that inviting look he had apparently picked up on his own. So far, that'd been enough, and perhaps it'd work here, too. Perhaps not, but, it was worth an attempt.


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The younger boy really was lovely though, wasn't he? His hair was surprisingly long, but Damian had to say it seemed to fit him, somehow. There was an odd, almost androgynous quality to the effect it gave him, but Damian wasn't really complaining about it. It was a nice effect - it looked good on him, too. He really was hopeless wasn't he, alright, alright.

Marcus was not going to be pleased, if he ever found out about this. Not that Marcus was ever happy with anything he did, but this was likely to be particularly problematic. But this was not, Damian told himself firmly, absolutely not a time to be thinking of his father. This was a time to enjoy himself, to enjoy the short time he had with this one and figure out, in some sense, if his interest went beyond the shallow.

"Dimitrios." Damian repeated, seeming to test the way that sounded on his tongue. It sounded nice, being not difficult to say or anything like that. ... Call him whatever he wanted, pff, Damian had asked his name. But then maybe that was strange, he'd already admitted to himself that it could be strange and that he didn't really care. ... He didn't, mind - he had wanted to know the name and now he did. Dimitrios. A name to go with the lovely face. "Thank you." Damian's tone sounded genuinely appreciative.

He was still nervous, and Damian was sure the practiced eye of the other could pick up on that fact. He tried not to worry about it. This was one of the few places his nervousness couldn't be used against him, or at least not much. No one outside of the walls of the brothel would hear about it, or this place wouldn't have the reputation it did. He'd chosen carefully, deliberately. It didn't change the fact that he was nervous, but reminding himself of his own care in choosing this place did help a little.

Damian followed Dimitrios into the room, and some part of him was grateful for the door being closed behind them while another part was taken by an even deeper level of nerves. It was good to have privacy, but the closed door firmly reminded him of what coming here meant, what the expectations for his presence here meant.

The boy was very close now, close enough to touch with only the slightest movement. It hadn't taken much for the other to close the gap between them, and Damian made no effort to withdraw despite his obvious nerves. His gaze met Dimitrios' for a moment taking in that particular expression.

With only the slightest bit of hesitation, Damian brought his lips to Dimitrios'. He did not make any immediate move to push beyond that, seeming content to test for a moment with just a kiss. He wasn't exactly in a rush, and it was easier to take it step by step. One of those things that was less daunting if he didn't try and jump too far at once. Admittedly though, one of his hands did end up resting somewhere in the vicinity of Dimitrios' hip, he wasn't really holding tightly or anything.


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Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the decision there is something more important than fear.

It was odd, to find his current guest about as nervous as Dimitrios always felt, when he got to this point. He had the lightly teasing and the coy smiles down, but, it was what came after that, that really started tripping him up. Dimitrios was never a particularly inviting person, before. One couldn't call him friendly, even, as he kept other people as far away from him as he could, because Dalmascans lied, because they'd get close and then they'd set you on fire, because he couldn't really trust anyone but his brothers and his mother, and some days, he hadn't really trusted Cyprian. It was a fact that kind of upset him, in hindsight, but it didn't matter. He'd never see Cyprian again, likely.

Anyway. Kalix had walked him through this part multiple times, but even with Kalix, Dimitrios had frozen up multiple times. It was easier on him, if he could get the other to do all the heavy lifting, so to say; if all he had to do was sit there and be pretty, and maybe make a few choice noises and soft gasps at the right times, it worked itself out. Only one had seemed really displeased by how he performed, but, it was more because, when they got past this part, into that whole tab A into slot B business, it actually started to hurt, even if it didn't really hurt. It was odd, probably just his muscles being whiny jerks, he guessed. Except it hurt in the wrong place, for that. He still instinctively kept trying to adjust his junk when he sat down, and then remembered he didn't have any, anymore. That was what hurt. He'd thought it'd healed, being honest, but it wasn't like Dimitrios had any real idea how long it normally took. Maybe it hadn't.

Oh, right; the older man kissing him brought him back to the present. His mind was constantly thinking about anything else, because this was his life now, and he had to figure out how to live with it. Dimitrios wasn't really sure if he ever could. The more time went on, the more he just disconnected from it, instead of really dealt with it, and his mother always insisted disconnecting from it wasn't synonymous with dealing with it. Dimitrios wasn't sure what else to do. It wasn't like he could ask. He ignored the pang in his chest, let his eyes close, more because he was afraid he'd start crying (gods damn it how he wanted his mother back), parted his lips just slightly. It was usually enough.

Feather light, not particularly slowly but not in a hurry, either, his hands worked their way up the other's arms, coming to rest against his jaw. He was rather aesthetically attractive; mind, there was still no real attraction to him, he could just appreciate he was easy on the eyes, that's all. And, frankly, Damian looked not a damned thing like Lucius, but, if he remembered correctly, Damian was adopted anyway. It made sense. Absently, albeit very lightly, one of his hands slid backward, fingers running through Damian's hair.

This was his life now. The faster he learned to accept that, the easier it'd be on him, in the long run. He didn't think about it, when he moved just a bit closer, pulling them against each other, but it was ever so lightly together that he at least didn't hurt himself doing it. Not that he realized, consciously, that he shouldn't do that, or he wouldn't have done it.


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Damian willed himself to relax a little as they kissed. There was nothing terribly scary about what he'd come here to do, nothing strange about it. Kisses were easy, testing the waters with someone who was unlikely to gain anything by hurting him was good. Almost reflexively Damian's tongue sought to explore the opening offered to it by the other. It was gentle, almost more curious than any sort of intense passion response.

It probably said more about Damian than he realized. But, maybe it didn't say anything bad at least. Gentle curiosity and exploration was probably better than passion that could be violent and hurt others without meaning to. Some part of Damian wondered what had happened in this one's life to deal him to being here. It was, perhaps a strange thing to wonder about, at the moment. But he wouldn't pretend that his mind didn't tend to wander and attach to odd things all the time.

Mentally though, Damian did shake that off for the moment. It was another thing that was probably not the best thing to be thinking about at the moment. He was supposed to be focusing on this. Supposed to be... experimenting and enjoying himself, not mentally wandering all over the place. Why was he so bad at this? Maybe that was why- No. We'd already decided that was not a topic to be thinking about right now.

Ah... There was something about that gentle touch that made Damian relax a little more, and it certainly brought his focus back to the boy who was just in front of him. He shifted just slightly, as Dimitrios ran his fingers through Damian's hair. It felt good, to be fair, and there wasn't any pulling going on, which made it relatively easy to enjoy. It hadn't ever occurred to Damian that that could be a nice feeling, exactly. But so it was.

They were touching now, in more ways than one. Dimitrios was right against him, though very lightly so. Damian shifted just slightly closer to Dimitrios, without really thinking about it. It was only meant to bring them closer, only meant to deepen the contact slightly from feather light to something more tangible. The hand resting on Dimitrios' hip slid gently behind the other, but it did not pull Dimitrios any closer than Damian's initial movement had brought them.


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Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the decision there is something more important than fear.

It was actually kind of cute; maybe Helene hadn't decided on a strange choice, for this one, as odd as it was. Dimitrios was younger than him, he didn't know by how much, and, before now, had about as much experience. Now, though, he was getting the hang of things, steadily. Still, he'd never had to lead someone else through it, so, he kind of hoped this one had some vague idea of how this worked. Kalix would've been a better idea, for that, but Kalix was always busy, being fair about it. Their clients liked to stay for like an hour or two, it was kind of ridiculous. Dimitrios' record was thirty six minutes, which seemed like a lot, but certainly not next to Kalix's record.

Not that it mattered, but, it was something else to think about, something else to focus on besides how much he really missed home, and his mom, and his brothers, and-

Quite honestly, Dimitrios was fairly convinced he sucked at this, and probably, there'd really be no time that he didn't feel that way. He could get better, he could, he just needed more practice, that was all, and maybe his muscles to stop being whiny jerks, because it was really kind of difficult to focus on anything when they were jerks. Like slaves were meant to be, Dimitrios just let Damian have the reins there, and he was just exploring, so it wasn't terrible, anyway. Actually, strangely, Dimitrios thought he tasted better than most that came here did. Several permanently smelled of wine and varying herbs, and it was kind of an interesting and sometimes pungently unpleasant combination, but, Damian's taste wasn't so bad. He might almost kind of like it. Honestly, though, he wasn't sure if he actually liked it, or if it was just less terrible than usual. That was a hard call to make, and quite bluntly, Dimitrios probably shouldn't think about it too-

"AhHH!" What the fuck was that?! Damian shifted slightly, and fire went up his abdomen, and, he probably shouldn't have, but instinctively, he'd let go and withdrawn from him. The pain was clearly evident in his expression, eyebrows drawn together, eyes squeezed close, fuck that hurt, what the hell did he do? Nothing... at least, nothing out of the ordinary, as far as Dimitrios could tell, so what had caused that? That was typically where the muscle pain was, too, how did he manage to trigger that? After a few seconds, the pained expression went away, replaced with confusion. It hurt more than it did yesterday, too, and now that it'd been pushed against, it was stinging slightly. He hadn't had a client that felt like doing the usual tab A into slot B stuff, today, so that was new.

"Uh..." Ah, what now-"I'm sorry, sorry, just ignore that." How, exactly, did you save face, here? That wasn't in the beginning foundation stuff Kalix had gone through, so, Dimitrios was winging it, as best he could. Most Dalmascans didn't really care, anyway.


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Okay, that was a very pained sound. Damian's expression was distressed at best. When Dimitrios withdrew, so did Damian, putting a good foot of space between them while he looked on in concern. He'd been enjoying things up until that moment, but the idea that he would be hurting his partner had not occurred to him. Logically that shouldn't have been painful, but clearly it had been. Damian wouldn't pretend to know why, but he did know that that was not something he wanted to go through with if it was so painful.

"... I don't think I should ignore that." Damian's voice still sounded concerned, though his expression had leveled out some. "That sounded extremely painful." And Damian wasn't into causing pain, okay? No. That wasn't what he'd come here for. Experimenting wasn't the same as hurting others. Or at least, he hadn't thought it would be. "Are you- well obviously not. That's a stupid question Damian." Yeah, it was. Was he okay. No, Damian'd just managed to make him practically scream in pain, he was clearly not okay by any stretch of the imagination.

He did perch hesitantly on the edge of the bed after a second, not because he wanted to continue but because sitting was slightly more comfortable and his mind was still reeling a little.

So, what now? He was worried about what was wrong, but he wasn't sure what to ask, or if there was even anything he could really help with. He also... well. Maybe he would stay a little while here, and let Dimitrios get a break from working, because clearly his body needed one even if his mind didn't really think so. It wouldn't do anything to solve the actual issue, but it might be better than nothing.

But what exactly was wrong with him? Damian wasn't sure how to ask, and she wasn't sure it was his place to ask. Did the one that owned him already know? Did they care? Damian wasn't sure how they could not given it would drastically impact his ability to do his job, if he was in that kind of pain. He knew people didn't necessarily care about slaves but...hn.

Marcus would say he was senselessly worrying, but Lucius would have agreed with him. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you."


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Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the decision there is something more important than fear.

... Damian was a lot like Lucius, then. That answered that question, Dimitrios guessed. He'd been kind of wondering, but, so far, he hadn't been terrible, anyway. And if he'd decided he cared enough to just stop, after the pained squeal, yeah, he was more like Lucius than Marcus. He'd just take some small comfort in that. For a few seconds, though, he just sort of stood there, like he wasn't sure what to do now, and really, he wasn't. And then gingerly settled onto the floor.

"I know," Dimitrios answered. Yeah, he knew Damian didn't mean to. "It wasn't so bad, yesterday. Just a bit sore." At some point, clearly, that had changed, and Dimitrios wasn't sure what it was, exactly, that had changed, but something had. He thought he remembered something, about things like this, that his mother had said once, but he couldn't quite recall it, right this second. Maybe it didn't matter right now. He had a client, anyway.

Um. ... what now... "Uh, I think if you ask her, Helene can probably find someone else." She wouldn't say anything, surely, because sometimes things just didn't work out, and she'd been half-guessing, with him, anyway. So, it wasn't like he'd get into trouble or anything. The next one may not care so much, though, and while he wouldn't voice it, he was a little concerned about how much worse whatever-it-was was going to get before it got any better. A lot of things had to get worse, before they got better, so he supposed ultimately, it didn't really make a difference.

"I'm fine, by the way," he added. He'd heard the start of an are you okay, presumably, just based on context. "Just, yeah, bit sore." Eventually, he'd get over it, and life would go on, yes?